why is she so fucking hot?
I wish I could meet the real blake lively and not just love her as serena from gossip girl. I read an article about how smart she was and how lofty her goals were, sounds like a girl I would like to look up to. Tall, beautiful, ambitious, talented. That’s not who I am. So who am I right now?
I’ve been dealing with a lot of problems in friendships and fall-outs. After reading countless emotional diary entries and blog posts, it really makes me wonder how immature I really am.
This sounds depressing, but it’s really just a self-reflection.
I need to change, I really am god damn immature. The funny thing is, I typed “insecure” in place of “immature”, that really says something. I feel like I work so hard, accomplish so much, and deserve to be praised for it. So what happens when I don’t get that pat on the head? That medal of honor, that name on that plastic wall?
I throw a tantrum.
I am so insecure that if I don’t feel like I have been awarded, no one should get that pride. Princess syndrome, much? I really need to back off out of people’s standards. Just because they have different goals and different things that they praise, it shouldn’t have anything to do with me. It’s retarded I get annoyed when people think they’re doing so much, when I don’t think it’s anything. It’s stupid I think I am so elite. That’s bullshit. Maybe the things I do don’t mean jack shit to someone else. Then what? I’m the loser? It shouldn’t have to be that way.
Everything is a competition.
But it doesn’t have to be. I love competing, I love winning even more. But to put people down because of my own securities in feeling like a failure? That’s something that should not be allowed, so I don’t understand why I accept this about my fucked up personality.
I am so far from being this beautiful, talented woman.
I don’t usually think I am insecure, like so many girls I know. But in terms of achievements, I always feel like I’m falling behind. I always feel like I have a shorter list and have to compare with those that are even shorter because in the end, not everything can be put in a list or written on paper.
How hard your classes are? How well-paid your job is? How good you are at Sports? Medals? Honors? Paychecks?
Fuck that. Live life.
(via le-sugarmonster)